Glory…. huh!?!

Ive got 5 minutes (the kids are napping.. so more than likely less!!). How to write in words what my heart feels?!? I should tell (i talk better  than i write) it to my dear friend over at sarahpangburn.wordpress.com she writes a billion times better than i.. but its nap time for her too so i shall press through and gather my thoughts. (HAHA)

10 months… (really longer) the dream of my sweet Asher Quinn has been alive. Now not known to me or Joel but to God.. yes. He knew him before he was born. Thus the dream to know he would join our family is fulfilling a purpose BIGGER than mine. From being told i was going to have a csection with Lydia (#4) and at the same time having a full hysterectomy to everything turning out ok and a natural birth happened.. -Story is found here– to having postpartum preeclampsia – very rare.. to GETTING pregnant while our little was only 4 months old. UH! a lot uh!?!? id say so. God had a plan correction

HAS

a plan for this special baby. 1 week ago i sat on the couch holding Asher thinking with each breath it could be his last.. why cause he was gasping for air. I had no car.. both joel and my sister had the cars and were working late.. and 4 littles were asleep. I instantly knew our life is but a vapor…. (he began breathing again we still are unsure why he was doing that but needless to say i sat upright all night holding him on my chest)

Fast forward to this week.. and i have been pretty ill.. high temps (103 was the highest…) and feeling just CRAPPY! My dear friend sent me this verse…

2 Corinthians 12:8-10New International Version (NIV)

8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

NOW what is my point here?! Well I think I might have gathered all the dots….as i sat alone yesterday and studied what Paul was saying i felt like him. Although my “thorn” wasn’t his… I have tons… from having judgments made about our family size, to personal attacks to heath issues. But as i hafved joked with my friend saying “i sure am being joyful.” I haven’t been. I been letting things bother me..

why did i have a c-section

why do i feel so crappy

why cant i jump back to my normal self

why do i have no family here (note we felt called to move here 10 years ago… our decision family would help if closer)

why ..why..why

WELL because Gods Glory is shown in my weakness…for the past month my village (as another friend has termed it) or life partners… have stepped in and taken the reigns. From kid keeping, to meal bring to doing all the things i just cant. So many times I have sat and thought.. how am i gonna make today work.. and someone will say “hey can i take the boys’ or ‘I’m bring Dinner you cant say no’. That is showing Christ’s love…..

Levi asked me the other day, i think it is so nice that our friends have brought dinner.. I explained that THAT is what walking with believers is all about.. doing the everyday, hard, fun and not so fun things with them. When we do it alone ..its hard.. but when we surround ourselves with a group we lift up each other in prayer and help.

As Joel prayed with me this morning i was reminded that.. God loves me .. i am part of HIS plan.. And his glory WILL always be shown in my weakness..

I may be weak, but

Your Spirit’s strong in me.

My flesh may fail, but
My God You never will . (repeat 2x)

Chorus:
Give me faith to trust what You say
That You’re good, and Your love is great.
I’m broken inside, I give You my life.(repeat 2x)

**GIVE me faith***

We face each step with joy….

SORRY for the novel:)

~jessica

 

Advertisements

Our Gummy Bear has arrived!

Asher Quinn

Blessed- Abundantly  {with} Number 5

            Our little number 5’s birth story is not what we envisioned nor what we hoped, but we serve a God that is bigger than our hopes and dreams!

On Saturday morning at 5:00am I had a contraction.. got up went to the bathroom and realized today would be our little guys birthday. Upon going back to bed it got worse and within 20 minutes I had showered and woken Joel up. At 6:15 we headed out the door with contractions 7-10 minutes apart. Arriving at the hospital we were set up and ready for the adventure. By 9:00 they were 3-5 minutes apart with the urge to push. All was going great.

So grateful for a dear friend and her support during my delivery!

So grateful for a dear friend and her support during my delivery!

Nothing was stumbling our plan for a 4th VBAC. Then suddenly at around 11, Little man’s heart rate dipped between the 90’s – 110. This concerned the Doctor but not enough to stop VBAC-ing. After I dilated to a 9.5 and was being urged to push, things didn’t feel right. His heart rate was not raising and had been low to long. So the Doctor suggested we get an epidural to ease my pain some, and also monitor baby’s heart rate a little better. During the process of placing the epidural I had this gut feeling something was ‘not right’. I wasn’t sure what, but something was not right. I kept saying it over and over. The doctors and nurses were trying to figure out what that meant since I was having a hard time explaining it. But I just knew something ‘wasn’t right’. Someone mentioned a c-section. And if you know me and how I have fought to have a VBAC for 4 babies and to go natural this is huge.

By this point I had a few options…baby would take the easy road of the epidural and come right out, or that his heart rate would never rise and I would have to do a c-section…. Since I felt it was more than the heart rate (but never really sure what why or what)… I looked over at Joel –who was sitting on the couch really nervous looking- I ended up jumping out of bed and saying I think we need to do a c-section. I electively chose to do one. Something I never thought I would do. So calmly they prepped me, all the while I was crying hoping I made the right choice. Joel reassured me that I had…many, many, many times.

IMG_20150124_125653823 IMG_1440

Suited up and sent to the OR….. with an amazing team of nurses, midwifes, students, and doctors ready for the arrival of our #5. Within minutes my support arrived and he held my hand and prayed the whole time. As soon as I was opened up the doctored stated.. “Jessica you were right with your gut feeling.. the cord is wrapped sooo tightly around his neck.” Lots of pulling shaking and even use of the vacuum, our little big guy arrived.

IMG_1442 IMG_1443

At 1:16pm on January 24th our 8 lbs 7 oz & 21 inches long baby boy entered the world!! After a quick look and picture he was whisked away and I was taken to recovery. My temperature was too low (92 degrees). After what seemed like hours (but really was only a few minutes) we were taken to a room and I got to hold and nurse our boy!! Love at first sight!

IMG_20150124_142833643

Later I found out from the doctor that the cord was soo tight it could have been bad. They only see situations like that (so tight) about 2 times a year. So it was a blessing that I went with my gut. Again just proof we serve a God who loves us enough to speak even though we don’t know the outcome or the reason OR if it’s in our plan. As I look back over the last few days, I have a huge peace about everything that happened.. Not my will Lord but yours be done!

Welcome to our family sweet Asher (blessed abundantly) Quinn (number 5)!!

seeing my #5 for the first time!

seeing our #5 for the first time!

will post soon pictures of the kids meeting Asher… it was soo fun!

~Jessica