Ive got 5 minutes (the kids are napping.. so more than likely less!!). How to write in words what my heart feels?!? I should tell (i talk better than i write) it to my dear friend over at sarahpangburn.wordpress.com she writes a billion times better than i.. but its nap time for her too so i shall press through and gather my thoughts. (HAHA)
10 months… (really longer) the dream of my sweet Asher Quinn has been alive. Now not known to me or Joel but to God.. yes. He knew him before he was born. Thus the dream to know he would join our family is fulfilling a purpose BIGGER than mine. From being told i was going to have a csection with Lydia (#4) and at the same time having a full hysterectomy to everything turning out ok and a natural birth happened.. -Story is found here– to having postpartum preeclampsia – very rare.. to GETTING pregnant while our little was only 4 months old. UH! a lot uh!?!? id say so. God had a plan correction
a plan for this special baby. 1 week ago i sat on the couch holding Asher thinking with each breath it could be his last.. why cause he was gasping for air. I had no car.. both joel and my sister had the cars and were working late.. and 4 littles were asleep. I instantly knew our life is but a vapor…. (he began breathing again we still are unsure why he was doing that but needless to say i sat upright all night holding him on my chest)
Fast forward to this week.. and i have been pretty ill.. high temps (103 was the highest…) and feeling just CRAPPY! My dear friend sent me this verse…
2 Corinthians 12:8-10New International Version (NIV)
8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
NOW what is my point here?! Well I think I might have gathered all the dots….as i sat alone yesterday and studied what Paul was saying i felt like him. Although my “thorn” wasn’t his… I have tons… from having judgments made about our family size, to personal attacks to heath issues. But as i hafved joked with my friend saying “i sure am being joyful.” I haven’t been. I been letting things bother me..
why did i have a c-section
why do i feel so crappy
why cant i jump back to my normal self
why do i have no family here (note we felt called to move here 10 years ago… our decision family would help if closer)
WELL because Gods Glory is shown in my weakness…for the past month my village (as another friend has termed it) or life partners… have stepped in and taken the reigns. From kid keeping, to meal bring to doing all the things i just cant. So many times I have sat and thought.. how am i gonna make today work.. and someone will say “hey can i take the boys’ or ‘I’m bring Dinner you cant say no’. That is showing Christ’s love…..
Levi asked me the other day, i think it is so nice that our friends have brought dinner.. I explained that THAT is what walking with believers is all about.. doing the everyday, hard, fun and not so fun things with them. When we do it alone ..its hard.. but when we surround ourselves with a group we lift up each other in prayer and help.
As Joel prayed with me this morning i was reminded that.. God loves me .. i am part of HIS plan.. And his glory WILL always be shown in my weakness..
I may be weak, but
Your Spirit’s strong in me.
My flesh may fail, but
My God You never will . (repeat 2x)
Give me faith to trust what You say
That You’re good, and Your love is great.
I’m broken inside, I give You my life.(repeat 2x)
**GIVE me faith***
We face each step with joy….
SORRY for the novel:)