Last week I was facebooking (is that even a real word???) a high school friend of mine and after a long chat, she ended our conversation with this “Jessica, you are such a great mommy. You are a Christian woman, you homeschool, cloth diaper, scrapbook, all things I love! Thanks for sharing it on FB. I hope many woman read your status’, you are a great example.”..
This statement has bothered me over the last few days. and i don’t really know why.. i mean it has to be the SWEETEST thing Ive heard from another mommy in a LONG time..(if ever) and for some reason I cant move past it.. WHY!?!?!
As i have prayed and thought (lots and lots) i have figured that it must be because of the pressures we have as moms. When i started this whole mommy thing 6 years ago i had no IDEA it would involve SOO many choices.. i thought it was love your husband, love your family, love God. And it would all work itself out.. NOPE! NADA! With each phase and step i find myself back at the drawing board.. And to be honest some days i just lose it..
YEP..lose it! Like when my kids are crazy and lose it..(mmmm sounds like a theme) i lose it.. as my husband says i am not a stay at home mom i am a FULL time mom. And as i realize that i notice some trends.. good or bad -whatever, its is what it is- I am SOO guilty of updating my status with the ‘mommy of the year post’ – when yes those moments are AMAZING and sharing them (or rejoicing in them) is soo much fun! What about the not so pretty times.. like when your toddler SCREAMS for 30 mins during naptime and you had enough and threaten to put in the the garage -with the light on mind you- since others are still sleeping.. OR when your kindergarten thinks math is too hard today and cries and pouts to the point of having to separate him from the others.. only for him to lose control and scrabble all over his math paper.. THOSE are the moments i am talking about..
Its not like all the moments are like that but.. they WILL happen cause we are all sinners saved by grace.. BUT what i do in those moments.. are those actions “a good example”.. would i be proud to post that on facebook? mmmm..food for thought for me…. sometimes no.. sometimes yes.. but mostly NO! a big fat NO! That is when I show my true colors, those are the times that my decides could make or break a situation..
I guess what i am saying is that the Mask of the written word is soo huge.. HUGE! That simple sweet encouragement which made me soo happy made me also think.. Let me be an example in all things! Not just the things that look good like cloth diapering or homeschool..because even though those things are good and fun and what i feel is right for our family.. they are not what God looks at ..our heart.. IS My heart an example of Christ’s love.. when trails come are my convictions being acted out in my actions?!?!
Cause if what i do in those trials aren’t glorifying to God then i have failed… Is there Hope..YES! But to look and know that as a mom i too need a time out and a quiet time to “try again!” is OK!
SOO in short i guess I am challenged to be an example to all in my sphere in ALL i do.. specially in those HARD mommy times! To realize that there are those around me who are watching.. little and big.. what are they seeing (ALL THE TIME) My prayer is that they see a Godly woman in peace and war! EEK! that is hard………..